“Whaaaatttt? That can't be. Surely the Sassacks I know, the ones who are committed to spirituality and progressive parenting, don't give in to the Santa hype!"

Ahh, but we do. And we don't even do it just because it's the thing to do. We haven't simply followed the crowd, repeating what our parents and their parents before them did without questioning. No, we put a great deal of thought into the decision to "do Santa". Well, that's not exactly true. Truth be told, we've always done Santa with our kids simply out of tradition. But this year I've heard a lot of rumblings about not doing Santa. And much as I love my progressive parenting posse (i.e. acquaintances I've met at various parent, mom, and family groups that I now keep in touch with mostly via Facebook), I’ve given it some thought, and I must disagree on this Santa issue.

Parents’ reasons for not doing Santa are many and varied, including not wanting to lie to their children, not wanting to scare their children about some strange guy breaking into the house in the middle of the night, not wanting to force their children to sit on some guy’s lap, and not wanting to give credit to someone else for giving the presents. I suppose those are all valid enough reasons. But I have my own reasons for wanting to do Santa with my kids.

Imagination is an art form that is dying. True imaginative play takes time, space, and solitude - three things which our children have precious little access to due to societal pressures and the subsequent devaluation of these commodities. We overbook our children so that they’ll be smart enough and talented enough, providing them very little free time. We clutter their spaces (and their minds) with “educational” toys that do all the work for them. We bombard them with media and socialization through television, music, and playgroups, allowing them very little alone time in which to hear themselves think.

Additionally, we fail to see the value of imagination, and often we’re actually scared of it. Take for example children playing cops and robbers. This is the child’s way of working out the what-ifs in life: choosing between good and bad through play, instead of in real life. Rather than seeing the value of this, parents are quick to admonish any violent play-acting and put an end to it.

Believing in Santa is much-needed exercise for the imagination. It is fun, and it helps children to feel precious, valued and worthy. These are all things that our children want and need. Why not indulge them?

Juliet loves shopping at Costco. She loves it mostly for the free samples they give out, but also because usually the person checking our receipt when we leave will draw a smiley face on the receipt for her. Oh to find such pleasure in such simple things. Sigh.

Yesterday as we prepared to leave the store I handed my receipt over for the usual cart inspection. Juliet said in her quiet, high-pitched voice, “Please can you draw a smiley face?” The elderly man started poking around my card saying “What are you missing?” I wasn’t buying much and at first I thought he was joking that I must have forgotten to get something. But he kept saying it in his gruff, curt tone. When he finally said “What word are you missing?” it dawned on me that he was asking Juliet to say “please”. (Mind you he didn’t look directly at her even one time during this entire exchange.) I smiled and explained that she had said “please”. He argued that he didn’t hear her say it.

I left a bit confused and upset. My daughter had done the right thing – she had said please. I had done the right thing by sticking up for her and for what I knew to be true. And I’d done it nicely. But still, this man chose to be upset because a three year old asked him to draw a smiley face, and he thought she hadn’t said please.

And what if she hadn’t? Would that really be so terrible? She didn’t demand “Draw me a smiley face now, old man!” Even if he hadn’t heard the word “please”, he still obviously heard her question, which was very sweetly and politely asked. What is our obsession with making children say please all the time?

I understand the value of manners. Before Juliet could speak she learned sign language, and at fourteen months one of the signs she used most often was “thank you”. She has repeatedly been praised by strangers when we’re out in public for her very polite manners. When someone does something nice for her or gives her a gift her immediate and unprompted response is almost always “Thank you, that’s so kind of you.”

But the fact of the matter is that we don’t expect adults to say please each and every time they make a request. And when they ask nicely without saying please we certainly don’t say “What did you forget to say?” When I ask for cheese at the deli counter I might say “I’d like two pounds of the cheddar.” When I ask my husband to run an errand I might say “Mike, would you drop off the dry cleaning on your way to work?”

Children are learning and growing and trying to figure out the rules of our society. There is bound to be a learning curve, and they’re not going to get it right every time. I don’t get it right every time. So please, be gentle and realistic in your expectations. And don’t expect more of them than you would of your adult neighbor, co-worker, or friend. Don’t expect more of children than you would of yourself.