I’ve never worn a pre-made costume from a store and no one has ever sewn a costume for me. Instead, as a child I created my own costumes. Every October I would decide what I wanted to be for Halloween, and then my mom would take me shopping at flea markets and used clothing stores until we managed to find all the pieces that made the whole look come together perfectly.

It was a tradition that I took for granted. It was simply one more wacky thing that my family did just a little differently from everyone else’s family (like making our own pizza instead of ordering it from the pizzeria – but that’s a whole different story). Now that I’m an adult and a parent myself, I see that the annual ritual of creating my own costume held a wealth of spiritual lessons.

1. If you see it you can be it. Halloween is fun in the first place because it allows you to be anything you want to be, if only for a few hours. All of creation begins with a single thought. This alone is a valuable lesson, and one I still might have learned had we simply hopped in the car and bought my costume at the local Target or Walmart. But then I would have missed out on most of the rest of these lessons.
2. God is in the details.Almost anyone can create a grand dream on a broad scale. But it’s harder to take that dream and extract the tiny details – what color dress does the Disney princess wear? What style shoes does a pirate wear? The Universe likes to work with specifics – the more specific you are, the more likely you are to receive what you’ve asked for. I once had a friend who affirmed “Riches of all kinds are drawn to me.” She began meeting lots and lots of men named “Rich”. She would have been well-served to have been more specific in her vision.
3. Open my eyes that I may see. Each year, after setting my vision and working out the details of it, I would set out to actually find all of the pieces. Looking back it sometimes seems amazing that I could walk into a huge Goodwill store, full of all sorts of random stuff, and find the exact red wig, jeweled necklace or gold pants that I needed to make my costume work. But I instinctively knew to follow my heart and open my eyes, and low and behold I would find what I needed each and every time.
4. Wear the costume! The costume that I worked so hard to create was only a costume if I dared to wear it. Otherwise, it was just a creepy pile of wigs and glasses and dresses sitting in the back of my closet. The Universe provides us with so much, but sometimes we fail to take advantage of it. We pray for a new job, and yet we’re afraid to say yes when a challenging new offer comes our way. We ask for a new car and then complain when our current one breaks down, rather than seeing it as a sign to move on to something newer and better. We beg for a better relationship, and then fail to step up or own behavior and choices.

Our human experience is surrounded by abundance. The question is – an abundance of what? You can choose to walk into the Goodwill store and see a bunch of discarded junk. Or, you can align yourself with Spirit and be divinely guided to find exactly what you need and want. Because I guarantee you, what you are looking for is out there. It is simply a matter of looking at things through your “God Goggles”.

Last weekend Mike and I had the rare opportunity to enjoy a night out without our kids. We went to the Coyote Art Festival at the historic Flat Iron Arts Building in Chicago, where over 150 neighborhood artists displayed their paintings, sculptures, and photography. I had a couple of realizations that I’d like to share here:

1. I am a person! I used to be a person – an interesting person who did interesting things. And then I became a mom. Being a mom is great and there is absolutely no more rewarding work in the world. But it’s hard to maintain that perspective when the larger portion of my days are spent wiping away boogers and preparing meals that are promptly dumped on the floor to be eaten by the dog. It was refreshing to take some time away from the kids and be in an environment that stimulated my own deeper thinking and emotions, and to remember that I am a person, separate from my “momness”.
2. Everyone has an inner artist. To quote one of my favorite artists from the festival, Kevin Lahvic, “Ask a class of first graders if there are any artists in the room and they will all raise their hands.” The artists displaying their wares at the Flat Iron are from every age, race and creed you can imagine. Some are seasoned veterans, many are young and just starting out, and a small handful are older adults who are taking their first stab at turning art into profession. Most people seem to agree on the value of arts programming for children, but few of us actually continue to have an artistic outlet as adults. There is something therapeutic and deeply spiritual about freely expressing oneself without the inherent limitations of language.
3. Cool people wear scarves. It’s true. Wear a scarf and you’ll instantly give off that cool, arts-y vibe. If you want to be a cool parent tell your kids to wear a scarf not to keep warm but to look awesome!

So this week I’m trying to: remember that I’m a person of which my parenting is one (very important) aspect; get in touch with my own inner artist while also trying to utilize art as a medium for communication between my children and myself; and wear scarves!

A few weeks ago Unity held its World Day of Prayer, and our Unity community in Evanston hosted a 24-hour-prayer-vigil. Volunteers signed up for one-hour time slots during which they would sit in the building and hold the prayer vigil. It’s been several years and a couple of kids since I last participated in a World Day of Prayer vigil, but something moved me to volunteer this year.

Wow! All I can say is that I felt tremendous energy and power in taking one hour out of my day to sit in silent prayer. Although I enjoy short meditations, I’ve always had difficulty holding my focus for very long periods. In my previous non-mommy life the prospect of holding prayer for an entire hour was daunting. This time I found myself looking forward to the experience. Sixty minutes to just sit and be quiet without children hounding me? Yes, please!

So what exactly does one do during sixty minutes of prayer? Well, I started by centering myself. I listened to music, settled into my chair, and just focused on my breath. Next, I spent a full thirty minutes reading the prayer requests. Prior to the vigil people were invited to write down the names of the people they wanted to hold in prayer. I read each and every name out loud, giving my loving energy to the individuals listed.  Many of the names were people within our spiritual community with whom I was familiar. Several names, particularly those who I knew to be facing health challenges, were mentioned on several different lists. I even saw the names of my own family members. It was humbling and heart-warming to see our community so intricately woven together, supporting and uplifting one another.

I finished the hour by simply sitting in quiet contemplation. I admit that my mind did wander a bit. But it wandered to wonderful areas. Something about spending 30 minutes praying for others and sending them healing energy shifted my frame of reference. I had no desire to dwell in the worry or guilt that so often occupies my mommy-mind.  Instead I thought about the blessings my children have brought to me – and the blessings that I have brought to them.  I felt immense gratitude for my family’s health and happiness and for our connection to a group of spiritually like-minded people.

How different might every day be if I made time for an hour of prayer? How much more centered might I become? How much more peaceful would I be in my daily interactions? How much more securely would I know that Divine Order was at work in my life? As parents we have LOTS of responsibilities – paying the bills, buying the groceries, making sure everyone is showered and dressed, etc, etc, etc. And we manage to eke out a moment of self-care here or there – a weekly book group, the occasional bubble bath, a birthday massage, a date night. Although we live in a universe of unlimited potential, we do have to deal with a limited number of hours in every day. Spending one hour in prayer means one hour less on something else. What do we give-up in an already chock-full schedule? Sleeping? Eating? Relaxing? Playing? It’s possible to shift priorities around to allow for a daily prayer hour. But if that’s a struggle, then there are some more realistic prayer practices that can be incorporated a bit more easily into your schedule:

• Say a prayer before meals. But make sure you’re actually praying and not just reciting.
• Keep a prayer journal next to your bed. Every night take just a minute or two to jot down any special prayer request for yourself or others. Also write down a note of gratitude for any answered prayers.
• I said it last time and I’ll say it again: go to church! Your kids will be happily occupied in a Sunday School or Soul School program while you have a full hour to simply sit and be and absorb spiritual food.
• Play a recorded meditation as you fall asleep each night. You’ll nod off quickly, sleep more deeply, and fit in a few minutes of meditation each and every day without having to add anything at all to your schedule.

Remember that it's almost always the thing that you think you absolutely, positively can NOT fit into your schedule, that you absolutely, positively need the most.

Church has sort of fallen out of fashion lately. It seems that the teenage whine of yore, “But mommm, it just isn’t cool” has migrated into the mindset of our current generation of parents. Or perhaps, more likely, the teenagers of yore have grown up to become today’s parents, holding steadfast to their claim that church just isn’t cool. And maybe it isn’t. I was never one to be on top of the trends, so I’m not even going to try to convince you that church is en vogue. But what I will do is give you the reasons why my family does attend church.

First, though, I’ll explain that where we attend is technically not a church. Our board and leadership recently voted to officially change our description to “spiritual community” rather than church. This is part semantics (the new terminology better reflects who we are) and part marketing (probably due to the aforementioned resistance to anything church-y). But really, church, schmurch… every Sunday my husband, children and I go to a building where adults sit and listen to someone speak about matters of the spirit and children attend small groups where they do hands-on activities to help them explore matters of the spirit. Whatever you choose to call it, this is our reasoning for doing it:

1.       Employment: It’s true… probably the number one reason that we find the motivation to get everyone in the family up and dressed and out the door on a Sunday morning is because it helps us pay the bills. I work at Unity on the North Shore, where we attend Sunday services. However, nowhere in my job description does it state that I am required to bring along a life partner, a toddler and a baby. Sure, bringing my kids to work might sound like a perk, but in reality it’s a struggle. I have to balance getting my work done with caring for my children. Mike really carries the parenting load for us on Sunday mornings, but while I’m running around setting up classrooms and answer questions, inevitably the baby will see me and cry to nurse, and the toddler will start screaming “mommy, mommy, look what I made.” Ignoring the kiddos would be cruel, so we’ve learned to get to Unity extra-early so that I can get my tasks completed and still have time to take mommy-breaks. And I multi-task: more than once I’ve made announcements from the pulpit while wearing a baby in a sling. A lot of weeks Mike and I both think that it would be easier to just leave him and the kids at home while I buzz into work, do my job, and then get back home in a timely manner. But week after week we show up… teeth brushed and hair combed, no less. Why do we do this to ourselves? Because it’s something that we believe in. It’s sacred.

2.       Sacredness: Going to church is sacred. And not for the reason you might think. It’s not sacred because it has to do with God and Spirit and stuff like that (not entirely because of that anyway). No, going to church is sacred simply because nothing is sacred anymore. Doing things for the sake of tradition has, much like the notion of going to church, fallen to the wayside in today’s fast-paced world. Do any families still eat a homemade dinner together every night at 6 o’clock? Do kids still eat breakfast while watching Saturday morning cartoons in their p.j.s every weekend? Many families are keeping up such a fast pace all week long that Sunday has ironically become their only day of rest, and as such they won’t get up and dressed to attend church. So my family goes to church simply because it’s a time honored tradition. It is a time of spiritual rest and relaxation amongst a community of like-minded friends. And I want my kids to see that spiritual self-care is a priority – at least as important as the sports and meetings and classes and hobbies that we manage to find plenty of time for all week long.

3.       Community: People interact with other people all the time – grocers and bankers and dry cleaners and teachers and co-workers. Yet, universally people share that they are lonely and lacking deeper connections in their lives. Churches provide instant community: most people are there for similar reasons and shared beliefs; there is usually a built-in time for community; the Sunday service provides talking points that lead to easy conversation. Those who actually attend church regularly know, first-hand, the amazing friendships that can be built within a faith community.

4.       Inspiration: And last but not least, I attend Unity because I like what they stand for and the lessons that I learn there. It’s a one-hour reminder every week that I am sacred and divine. While it’s something that I technically know already, the weekly reminder inspires me to become ever more peaceful in all my interactions. And as a parent, more than ever, I benefit from that weekly inspiration!

So, in short, get your butt out of bed this Sunday and go to church!

This is an article that I wrote a couple years ago when my oldest, Juliet, was just a little over a year old. I think of this incident often.

Yesterday I took Juliet to the zoo. Most of the animals were inside and we had nothing to see. Then, as we looked into a grotto, I saw a brown bear moving all around. I pointed the bear out to Juliet, but she didn't see him. I tried moving her around, pointing, and pleading with her to get her to notice what I was seeing, but she wouldn't budge... her eyes were fixed elsewhere. Finally I followed her gaze, and I saw that she had found a bear of her own to watch. In my laser-like focus on getting Juliet to see what I thought was amazing, I was distracting her from seeing what she thought was amazing. 

As parents, we so badly want what is best for our children that sometimes we don't see that they've already found their own "bear". While we're busy scouting out the best for them, they've already found it - whether it's a preschooler stubbornly choosing what to wear to school, a grade schooler deciding what to eat for a snack, a middle schooler contemplating doing homework or hanging out with friends, or a high schooler researching colleges. Life is full of these decisions. As parents, it is our duty to walk the fine line of keeping our children healthy and safe, without squelching their adventurous and independent spirits.   This month, I welcome you to seek out situations with your children where you can release and let go. Follow their gaze for a change, and you just might see things in a different light.

A boss once told me that I had permission to fail. I have always been afraid of failure. My parents had me repeat a year of preschool, thus delaying my start in kindergarten, on the recommendation of my teachers. Apparently, although I was intelligent and hit all the typical milestones, I was fearful of failing, perfectionism caused me to be slow and meticulous to the point that I was not keeping up with my peers.

So, when I was told that I had permission to fail, it changed the way I looked at the world. I no longer had to view each undertaking as a do-or-die scenario. I no longer had to say no to new opportunities for fear that I would crash and burn. And I no longer had to beat myself up when my plans didn’t live up to my self-imposed expectations.

In the years since I was first told that I had permission to fail I’ve dreamt up dozens of life plans. Some of those plans have come to fruition and are still a part of my life today. But most were failures – mere ideas that sucked up a good deal of my energy and in the end were ultimately abandoned. But were those discarded dreams truly “failures”? Of course not! I grew somehow from each and every one. Worst case scenario, I learned what I did NOT want to do with my life. Best case scenario, the so-called “failure” helped me to discover what I actually DO want to do with my life. My failures have been stepping stones in the creation of my current existence. Who knows where I’d be without them!

I wonder, though, in this fast-paced rat race of life, are we raising our children with permission to fail? We’re expected to have a preschool lined up before our baby is even born and we send teenagers off to college where they’re expected to choose a career track before they’ve ever even worked.

When, where and how do our kids learn the value of exploration just for exploration’s sake, without attachment to the outcome? I can tell you where they are NOT going to learn it – they’re not going to learn it at school, at work (except for me, but that’s because my boss was a new thought minister), or in society at large. So it becomes our jobs, as the parents, to create a safe haven in which our kids can succeed or fail in their own good time. It is our responsibility when praising our children to praise their process rather than their product. We must use language which encourages and applauds their effort and creativity.

There is a fine line to walk here. Is this kind of parenting the same thing as giving a participation trophy to every child on the team, lest we make anyone feel bad for losing? Obviously no one wants a little kid to feel badly for losing. However, we want our kids to know that they don’t need to get a trophy every time, or even most of the time. We want them to play the game not to win and not to get a participation trophy, but because playing the game itself was worth their time, regardless of the outcome. That should be reward enough and if it isn’t then it’s time to find a new game…without feeling like a failure. Because no eight year old knows whether or not they like baseball until they try it.

Our power was out at home all last week. And since we're on a well that meant we didn't have any water. Add to that the fact that our one and only family car was at the mechanic being "ripped apart" (their words, not mine)... well, we'll just say that it was a stressful week at the Sassack Household.

We spent the first few days of the blackout fighting against the inevitable darkness. We spent a lot of time at my parent's house. Sure, we had all the conveniences and distractions we could want (microwave, television, internet), but it was exhausting trying to chase our kids away from grandma's fragile knick-knacks, and they quickly became cranky and overtired from lack of naps and reasonable bedtimes (both the kids and the grandparents).

So after a few days of fighting against it, we finally decided to embrace the power outage. We stayed home where the kids took their usual naps and I, lacking the resources to wash dishes or vacuum,... wait for it... read a book! We scrounged up a coupon and treated ourselves to a family dinner out and then headed back to the house where we spent the twilight hours telling stories by firelight and catching lightening bugs. I was asleep by ten o'clock.

The nitty gritty of life happens to the best of us - and almost always at the worst possible moment. And it's often during these moments when culture tells us to "kick it up a notch" that we will find the most peace by doing the exact opposite. Think of these bumps in the road as speed bumps in your road of life. They're a simple message to slow down and pay attention. Stop and rest a while. And enjoy the simple beauty of dancing with you family by the light of the fireflies.

Parenting, while full of stress and hard work, is also rewarding. And we know that whatever we focus on will multiply. So this is a blog to celebrate the happy moments along the way. Welcome, and thanks for sharing the joy of this journey with me.